Chasing the constantly changing dream

So via the Facebook “On this day” app, I was reminded of the status I posted back in 2008:

“DECKS ARE HERE”

I used to do a lot of DJ’ing in my 20’s and harboured dreams of one day playing in clubs. These dreams never really materialized and sadly, I eventually had to sell the decks to pay some debts and bills. My next dream was to become a professional darts player; I went to tournaments across the country, played in different leagues, and even recently got some professional coaching. But that dream seems to be on the wane too due to my anxiety affecting my performance when I play competitively.

But now I have a new project; Twitch streaming. I’ve had a logo designed, created a YouTube channel, rebranded my Twitter & Facebook accounts, I’m running a giveaway over Christmas and I’ve got a new website currently in the works. I’m also hoping to improve my streaming setup in the future with better equipment and more room. I’m making a real go of it and the ultimate dream is to be able to do this full time.

But in the back of my mind a thought has entered; what will I do if I don’t fulfill this dream? Will I continue just as I am or find something else to pursue? At what point does it become me just constantly chasing a moving target? I still play darts, I’m still playing in a league, but I don’t practice as often as I used to and I don’t go to as many tournaments as I used to. Gaming is easier for me because I don’t have to go out, but I am putting myself out on the internet and that doesn’t always go well. The point though is my life is littered with abandoned dreams because I’ve moved onto chasing others.

I don’t want this pattern to continue; I want this new endeavour to succeed, but I am very aware that it will be hard and that it might not be as big as I want it to be. Maybe that’s the difference between this and my past attempts to focus all of my energy into something. I’m doing this because I enjoy it, because it’s helping me with my S.A.D, because the aim in the journey is not to get to the destination of being popular. But having dreams isn’t wrong, chasing dreams isn’t wrong, and maybe those dreams weren’t abandoned, they had just run their course.

So here’s to chasing the dreams.