I can’t avoid social media – Facebook being the only way I can keep in touch with people probably didn’t help with that, but every article has links to the sites social media sites and buttons to link articles to social media. It has become the easiest and most popular way to share and obtain information.
I felt I was missing out – During my hiatus, it occurred to me that the reason I was on social media so much because I was afraid I would miss out on something. With so much content around, it is hard to keep up and I felt I had to keep up or I was missing out. So I ended up pretty much spending every moment on Twitter just to feel part of getting the news out.
I want to be at the front – I also wanted to be one of the first to get information out, so everyone would come to my Facebook or Twitter for the information, to be regarded as being at the forefront. I feel I have so much to share, and that to do that I need to be at the front of wherever I am, be it social media or church. It really gets to me when I feel I don’t get given the chance.
I’m jealous of Micah Murray – Well, not Micah Murray specifically, but those who have large fanbases and get thousands of views per post whilst I struggle away in my little corner of the interweb for little reward. I would write a post and get my usual dozen views and a few weeks later someone writes a post on the exact same subject and it’s all over the internet; so yes, I get jealous, even though I know they’ve worked at their craft and reaping the rewards and fair play to them for that.
I tried too hard to be a blogger – I write my views in a blog from time to time, but sometimes I tried to be deep and clever and thought provoking because I thought that’s what bloggers should do. Being a blogger is a cool sounding title, I wanted to call myself one but it’s not what I do or who I am. Learning is good, and I have lots to share, but blogging regularly probably isn’t the best way for me to do it. There has to be a reason, sometimes it felt I was blogging just to get ahead of the curve or because I felt I had to because everyone else would be.
I work just as well from the back – When I stop worrying about whether I will be noticed, and just get on with what needs to be done, I seem to have more confidence in what I’m doing; that or I just feel more relaxed because I’ve stopped worrying about trying to climb the popularity tree. During my first facilitation session with The Great Men Project, the teenagers didn’t really listen to me so my partner did most of the talking. That allowed me to listen to what was being said, pick out a couple of statements that were missed by others and turn them into a question to keep the session going.
I’d split my life – I have a personal FaceBook page and one associated with this blog. What was happening was that all the “religious” articles would go on the blog page and everything else would go onto my personal page. I’d almost split my faith from the rest of my personal life. Oddly, it’s not much of an issue on Twitter since the account for my blog has pretty much become my personal page now. In my personal life, I think I have a better idea on when to talk about my faith and when to leave it out of conversations, but mix it
I want to be Jason Bourne – Or a world champion darts player, Batman would also be cool. Why I imagine these things I have no idea. I also play out conversations and scenario’s that are unlikely to ever happen; either to be ready or to imagine me actually being the winner. This is probably why I keep myself so busy, to stop this happening (past scenarios haven’t always ended well)
My confidence can quickly turns to arrogance – When I get confident and relaxed, I have a tendency to over state what I can do. I can get a bit aggressive which just makes my confidence sound like arrogance; probably because it is. It’s been a while since I felt confident, sometimes I forget it needs to be reigned in.
Battles are never far away – Life sometimes feels like a maze with no solution, and there are no shortage of people who want to line up and remind you of that. Then there’s the challenges that this maze and those in it provide and since there is no solution, the battles are endless……but we fight not because we can win, but because it’s something worth fighting for.
Still very unsure about church – I think I’ve found one that’s more a style I’m used to, but I keep finding excuses not to go. Eventually I’ll go and wonder what all the fuss was about, I’m not quite there yet though, and I’m a little nervous about being treated as a puzzle to solve or worse.
I think I just miss Jesus – I struggle with being in silence, reading…..praying. My relationship with Jesus is like my relationship with my friends; haven’t seen them for a long time, speak occasionally but still friends and need to have a proper meet up.
I do what I criticize others for – having read a lot of blogs from a lot of people and organizations, you get an idea for what people write. Now, if I see anything from The Gospel Coalition (for example) I just don’t read it because it’s likely to just get me very angry, ever since that “gag reflex” article. I find myself doing that with others as well. I’ve tried to have a stance of giving people the benefit of the doubt, to treat arguments on their merits, but as soon as I see articles from certain people, I’m just not interested.
I’m in a pretty good place – Maybe it’s the lots of sun that we’ve had recently, but despite of the above (or possibly because of the above) I feel I’m in a good place at the moment. I’m not broken, I have issues to work through sure so I’m probably a little cracked, but a mosaic is basically pieces of cracked material.